Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
