Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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