college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
