i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
