he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
