this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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