This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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