So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
