some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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