I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Help. Why am I so naked?
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