somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
