saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
