Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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