guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
