Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
