Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
