My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
