:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
