Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
