Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
