are you still at the devil's house?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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