I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
