my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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