drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is wine microwaveable?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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