i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was confusing and full of hummus
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
