are you still at the devil's house?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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