sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
