Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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