well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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