Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
