Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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