That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
