In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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