my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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