So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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