i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
