I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
