Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
operation harelip BJ is a go
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Randomize
