Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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