Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
