i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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