I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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