Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize