I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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