Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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