nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
