You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
