Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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