he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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