yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
