Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Still dying that you shit outside
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
