It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
