who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
