God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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