Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
