a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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