Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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