Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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