Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
