I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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