i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
