lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
