you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
