I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
