i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
