mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
