So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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