i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
