I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
