So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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