You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize