Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
