I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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