i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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