How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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