3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
