she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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