just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
